On Touch & Pleasure
How do you touch yourself?
Last night, I was putting on some oil & lavender on before bed, a ritual I’ve been incorporating into my nightly routine. My natural inclination was to slap the oil on really quick & mindlessly, to get it done so I could move on.
On second thought, I decided to make it more decadent & mindful. I decided to take my time, feel the oil on my skin, breath in the lavender. I rubbed the oil over the backs of my knees & the curves of my legs & really leaned into the pleasure, using the tenderness of a devoted lover.
It’s wild how the same action can have such different results when it’s infused with more intention.
This reminded me of something I learned during my time interning in an eating disorders clinic in college.
At the time, I learned about a scale they used to measure intensity of disordered eating.
While I can’t remember the exact scale, I remember that some of the questions had to do with a person’s willingness to look at & touch their own bodies.
At the most extreme level of disorder, the person would often experience extreme aversion to looking at & touching themselves.
This could look like avoiding washing the body or showering with the lights off.
I’m curious, how do you touch yourself? Do you slap on your moisturizer without thinking?
Is there a limit on how good you let yourself feel?
What would it be like if you let yourself feel 10% better?
In reflecting on how I apply things to my body, I often think, would I apply it like that to a baby?
To someone I loved?
Sometimes, to incorporate more pleasure & more connection with our bodies, we don’t need to do anything differently.
It could be as simple as adding more intention & mindfulness to the experience, & surrendering to more pleasure, not placing limits on how good you allow yourself to feel.
I’m inviting you to use the same tenderness, intention, & devotion with yourself as you would to those you love.
I’d love to hear from you, what does this bring up for you?